ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
