plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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