everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
