you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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