every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
