I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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