your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
