I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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