Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
