smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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