Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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