The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
