Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
