I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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