Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
