the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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