The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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