ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have demons in me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
