you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my being single is dangerous.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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