Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
