Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
