Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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