the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize