I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
