there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
