I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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