Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
