haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
