Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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