May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
