Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
