I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
