Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
did you just send me my own nude
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize