Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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