Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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