i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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