My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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