I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
