his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she pinky promised me she was 18
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
