"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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