my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
