I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
