He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
