1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
