Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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