dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
