Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
