I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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