i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
