I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
