my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
