awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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