i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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