Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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