A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
