Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
