So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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