Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize