I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
