theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
