I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
