saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
