I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
