honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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