Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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