I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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