I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
