just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
