so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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