U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
