Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
