If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
